I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
