sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize