shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
