That's when you crack a 10am beer
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
