how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
