toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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