Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
