yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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