First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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