Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
