omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
