I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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