I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
