My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
