I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
