Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
