Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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