In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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