I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
