whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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