She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
