thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
