are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
