Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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