I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
