Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
