Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
