i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my shit smells like andre
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
