Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
