It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
