I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
