I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
