im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
