There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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