Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
