My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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