i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I look better un-naked...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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