Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
