So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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