I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
