i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
