is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
