so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I touched a dick in church today
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
