uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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