Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
