just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
