The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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