forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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