Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
