just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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