Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
