dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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