He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
