it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
