Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
