apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize