Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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