I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
