This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
