I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
