God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
