i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
