I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
