Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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