my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
