9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
