You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
