girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
