somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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