If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
