The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
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i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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