No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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