put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
