HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
