I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
