Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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