so explain again why im purple
no
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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