there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize