someone get that fucking seahorse.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
