turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
