Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
