Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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