I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
